Southern Utah News Articles
Top Stories for April 14, 2010
Not in My World - Time to amend the First Amendment
I recently read an article in a national magazine about a survey for men relative to their most stressful concerns in life. Listed below are the top six concerns:
1. Insecurity (paying bills, debt, jobs, etc.)?
2. Hair loss?
4. Co-managing the cash (financial stress in a relationship)?
5. Your team (watching your team lose)?
6. Morons - dealing with them
Number one is a given. Most would put that concern as number one.
Number two has never been a concern of mine. I have the other problem. My hair started turning white years ago. Now it’s all powder white. My daughter often tells me I may be 50 years old, but my hair is 75 years old.
Exercise is an issue. I’ve done pretty well most of my life exercising, but the last few years my exercise pattern has been less than stellar. I can still see my shoe laces, but I dread the possible experience one day when I may have to make the request, “Hey kid, come tie my shoes.”
Cash! I have no cash. How do you co-manage one George Washington? Of course, married guys are faced with a bit of a dilemma. Guys need “carry around cash.” That’s a problem because many wives don’t understand “carry around cash.” It’s not in the budget. After completing their budget together, the hubby says, “Hey, honey, I need 60 bucks cash.” The wife reviews the budget worksheet again, looks at her beloved and proclaims, “For what?” That question can’t really be answered. The husband is thinking, “What if I run into big Bob, I gotta give him that 10 bucks I owe him, or what if I’m at the store and see that drill set I’ve been wanting for three years?” The discussion ends several different ways. Some husbands walk away with empty pockets.
Every guy hates to see his team lose. Although yelling at the TV, throwing the couch cushions, and complaining about the nachos doesn’t affect the outcome of the game; it does take its toll on the stress level of every guy experiencing the devastation of his team losing.
What I’d really like to address has to deal with the morons. The word moron may be a little strong. Since we can’t round up all the morons, bring them to the stadium and lecture them about how to change their ways, I’ll go ahead and be direct to hopefully get the morons attention with a limited opportunity to communicate to them.
Now those who clearly project this label would be linked with adjectives like annoying, irritating, ignorant (not in the southern Utah sense, rather in the dictionary definition), and/or unresponsive.
Just to clarity about who may classify as a moron, let me give you some specific examples.
If you talk on your cell phone in the movie theater, you are a moron.
If you stand at the counter of a fast food restaurant and talk on the cell phone while ordering food, you are a moron.
If you stand at the customer service counter and repeat your request over and over again after you’ve been told your request cannot be satisfied, you are a moron.
If you are a service rep on the other side of the counter and you’re talking to your associate about your problem boyfriend or girlfriend while I’m waiting for you to help me, you are a moron.
If you call me on the telephone about me getting a bill paid, tell me you can deduct the money out of my checking account and I tell you I don’t do business that way, but you say again we can deduct the payment out of your checking account, you are a moron.
If you attend a State Dinner at the White House without the proper invitation, you are a moron.
Those of you good folks out there who have had none of these experiences; I wish I had your life.
Those of you, like me, who’ve dealt with these situations I have a solution for us. We simply limit freedom of speech. Those people who annoy us, irritate us, are ignorant (including talking about subjects they know nothing about), we authorize non-moron citizens to have the authority to slap an immediate gag order on that individual. The aforementioned gagged person for the day loses their freedom of speech. Then to help that person, they must take a short quiz on how not to annoy before they may talk the next day. After several times of being gagged and learning proper etiquette on how not to irritate us, I believe our fellow Americans would become more courteous citizens.
Obviously, we must extend our First Amendment restrictions to the voting booth. We don’t want to stop anyone from voting, but our new addition to the First Amendment will only allow people to cast a vote for candidates they know something about. When a voter casts a ballot for a certain candidate a screen would flash up asking three questions about that candidate. If those questions cannot be answered correctly, the citizen’s vote would not count. This may eliminate the kool aide drinkers from even showing up to vote, but so be it.
Some moronic actions are more subtle and slight communication misunderstandings. My friend Ron told me a couple of weeks ago he’s insulted because his wife gives him a list of the projects needing to be completed around the house. I gave him some solid advice on his problem, “Ron, do you remember in the movie “True Grit,” when John Wayne was asking the guys to bury his prisoners and the fellow looked at him and said, ‘You mean they’re dead?’ Mr. Wayne looked back at the fellow and declared; ‘I wouldn’t ask you to bury them if they weren’t.’
Ron, your wife wouldn’t give you a list if you weren’t a man! Don’t waste your man capital on the list. Accept the list with a smile. Use your man capital on something more important like being allowed to watch more sports on the weekend.
There are, of course, what I deem to be situations of very inconsiderate people and crappy service. I have witnessed both.
I was in Vegas a couple of months ago standing in a customer service line, it was a long line. I was third or fourth deep. At the front of the line was a man who appeared to be in his mid-thirties. He had the petite looking very young service rep almost in tears. I took a Paul Bunyan step sideways and blurted out, “hey Jethro, can’t you be more considerate; be nice, take care of your business, and get on with your life.”
He turned and stared at me like a typical moron would. I do think we need to call the morons out when they are irritating us or someone else.
I’m certain I’ll be shot down on any changes to the First Amendment, so I believe our next best option is to teach this generation some manners and courtesy. So where is the best source to go for proper manners and courtesy? I took a trip to Italy with World War II veterans and their wives. These people were the kindest and most courteous people I have ever been around. No complaints and no whining. I say we call on the greatest generation to teach our society some courtesy and manners.
So, I ask you folks. Are we obligated to tolerate the morons? Not in my world!