Southern Utah News Articles
Old Crankcase is back, full of it
Libby Button says Lynn kisses like he was trying to clean the drains.
Dennis Brunner complains Dixie is so very immature. When he s relaxing in his bath, she comes in and sinks his boats.
The other day, Dixie said to Dennis, Be an angel and let me drive. He did and he is.
Kortney Stirland is the toast of two continents . . . Greenland and the Antarctic.
When Jim Ott speaks, it’s not so much a language as a disease of the throat.
It is said men who enter politics do so as a result of being unhappily married. Were you aware of that, Sherrie Noel?
As long as we’re on the subject of Representative Mike Noel, it is also said that a fool and his money are soon elected. I didn’t know you were well-to-do, Mike.
Coach Arlyn Hafen says he’d like to visit Latin America, but he’s afraid to. He doesn’t speak Latin. Right, Coach, don’t get in over your head.
Tom Willardson reminds me of a long skinny snake. It doesn’t know its head from its butt.
If Doc Schmutz were a ZIP code, he would be a fraction.
Fred Chappell’s favorite game is, to enter an elevator in Salt Lake City, gaze intently at one of the occupants, then say, “You’re one of them,” and move to a far corner of the elevator.
That’s how Fred ended up with a face that looks like it had fought and lost a third world war.
World’s shortest book: Curt Hawkins Collection of motivational speeches.
Kathy Miles, our lady schoolmarm, considers herself quite the writer. Kathy, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but the only way you’ll ever make money writing is bad checks.
Speaking of writers, Carol Sullivan writes fiction. Sully Sullivan speaks it.
This morning, Rory Brunner called Cody Brunner a liar. Cody called Rory a cheat. Well, now that you two have properly identified each other . . .
Sarge Baker was one helluva soldier. He was stationed where the bullets were thickest . . . at a munitions depot in downtown Philadelphia.
Bob Wells was filling out a form for Social Security last week and where it asked for his age, Bob wrote in Jurassic.
A leader is a man who sees which way the crowd is going and then steps in ahead of it. Mike Noel is a leader. The old saying is, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” Let me paraphrase that old statement, Representative Mike Noel, “You can lead a man to Congress but you can’t make him think.”
You’ve seen these machines that for a dollar will twist a penny into all sorts of contorted shapes? Want to know how to get one for free? Try pulling a penny out of Dealie Reese’s hand!
How well does Caitlin Brunner respond to Jeremy’s skillful caresses? Well, every so often, Jeremy has to check Caitlin for a toe tag.
Kyle Brunner stupid? Don’t know, but Kyle is half Italian and half Polish. Last week he put out a hit on himself.
Pete Peterson is getting so chunky, he wakes up in sections.
Wave to Old Blue, folks. That would be Ol’ Chick. He can write his name in the snow. Did I slip that one past you?